We have friends. And then we have the different kinds of subspecies inside that friend spectrum. If you are like me, the number of friends I really have are less than the number of good shoes in my closet. Not counting my penny loafers.

With the recent events in my life, I came to notice the kinds of friends that I have. There come abundant those friends I rarely see in real life but always online. (They are just in the same internet bubble I am stuck in.)  Those friends that secretly hate you but are so nice when you talk to them. Those who just are just playing around with whatever you throw them in. Those who are single. Those who have boyfriends and most importantly, the most potently evil of all, the friends who are only around when they need you.

Trust issues aside with my evil high school days, I was probably popular known our school. As tiny as it was, your stature can define your whole high school experience. Came in my junior year, and everything went downhill from there including my relationship with friends. I became detached so much from people that I came to see them as what they truly were, same as I was, they were also scared. Scared of being alone with no tools for the life that was ahead of them. I exited high school with a huge relief, thinking that college and the general outside world can be so much better. But in hindsight, I was wrong.

I am not condoning friendship as it is, but how unfair is it when you only show up when you need friends (eta. breaking up phase) or when you are lonely? not busy? We all feel that sometimes we want to be taken as something of importance, somebody that should be raised with respect. I have high regards for people who take the time to reconnect with people without the intention of getting something without reciprocation.

Sometimes, I feel like Jacob Black.

Yep, the one that Bella neglected for his sparkly vampire boyfriend. But as horrendous the twilight series was, this truly mirrors the reality of friendship we are speaking about. I’ve become independent through the years and with some people labeling themselves as my friends, I think I’m much better off being macho bravado like Mr. Black.

I tend to relieve my negative feelings and dwell in them. But its the new year and its timely to make some changes. And I know, honestly, that the good outweighs the bad.

*rant over*